I just don't know what to do with myself...

Ok so I feel lost like never before. I think I actually figured out what I wanna do with my life.

And for the first time I wish I was younger or had done things differently. I often kinda feel I might have chosen the wrong thing, but never regretted what I've studied, mainly because I love it. I love my history, I love archaeology, I love museums. And I would wanna stick with it and in the future work with it. But. I think I know what I'd rather work with.

This whole demining thing is superexciting. I think I found what I wanna do but I have absolutely no idea how to pursue it. If I was 18 I could start by doing the military service. I'm not 18. I know nothing about politics. I know nothing about the different NGO's involved in demining. I know nothing about mines. I haven't lived in Sudan or Afghanistan or Kosovo for 80% of my life. I've done nothing and I don't know where to begin. I don't know how to get the experience. I don't know anything. I hate feeling this lost. I could even imagine staying here for another year if that's what it took. Or do to Cambodia for a year, or wherever I'd get the experience needed to even know what it's all about. I'd rather stay in the safety of my home for all time, but I think this is what I wanna pursue.

I know I usually have a thousand different ideas of what I wanna do, and I could imagine doing a whole lot of things, but this is just so...important. I'm having an existential crisis here!!

And I don't understand how people just do things. Some people really just go and get things done. I just feel lost. I hate feeling lost. This time I think I'm just gonna do it, whatever it is. I just have to figure that part out.

(And not all on topic, a guy in a bar I met here didn't think demining was "for women" when I told him where I was doing my internship. He could just go blow up.)

And I don't have my swedish keyboard so that's why it's in english.